Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
