I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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