I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
