Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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