wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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