i wish my penis had a tongue
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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