Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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