The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
