I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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