Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
