i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm too high and old for this...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize