proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
