So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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