remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
