after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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