so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
