I wish my penis had an off switch
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize