my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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