can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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