Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this beer tastes like vomit already
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
