Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
