but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
