the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
