We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
