before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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