My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
