It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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