I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
