I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
