I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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