Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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