I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
