last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
