Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
