apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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