You smell like stripper and shame
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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