then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
