Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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