He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
