That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
