Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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