Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i've created a new STD.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
