she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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