im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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