Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
