Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
be right there i have to get my cape
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
