from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
