that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
