Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
