I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
