I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Still dying that you shit outside
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
