Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
