Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
