Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
