peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
