that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
