Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
