I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
