So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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