Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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