if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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