I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
