she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
