shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
