You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
