just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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