covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
