this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
