I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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