I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
