Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
pray to the hookup gods
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
