I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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