i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
